she is the abondon 1

i had read a series of translated novel namely The Outsider
it was one of my favorite
maybe i find something in common i guess

in real life
i know such a person too
although she wasn't that miserable as the heroin in the novel
but i can't deny that what she had gone through are not what she can bear at her age

she don't have much love from her family
that makes her a little autism since small
worst part,she wasn't spiritually well
so she was sent to church,hoping that everything will be alright

she was away from home at the age she needed her family concern most
although she knew that it was for her good
but try to think how do a little will feel when she was left with stranger with only her alone
other then afraid and lonely
i don't know what word can describe better

as she grow,
she had turn into a heartless daughter towards her family
she is cool especially for stranger
she don't smile
in her eyes,
she see friendship precious than any other,
for friends are those people whom stay with her during ups and downs
friends are the only people who will give her their companion and time

one day,she came to met a Mr Wrong
he made her world interesting and colorful
and for him,she make her stand so firmly for years against her family

in the end
everything became vain
the person she love most,trust most betrayed her
the friend she treasure turn her back to her at the same time
as for her family
they are supporting outsiders rather then giving her strength to move on
not only that,they are throwing stone when she is so badly injured inside
she had nothing left

ever since
she had became an opposite person from the past
she wore a mask of smiley face
she lives for others for she afraid to loose people she treasure
she never truly trust anybody since then
she never split the whole truth whenever people ask about her personal life
she says what people likes to listen
she hide her wounds behind every smile
she licks her own wounds whenever it bleeds
so that nobody know that she was weaker and fragile
too bad that the incident didn't make her stronger

and now
she is so lost
everything seem like a mess after so long
she know not who she is anymore
she got hurt for being good
and she got rebuke if she turn off the angel side and put herself in prior
too many people is telling her what to do and put her into confusion on whose standard to be follow

she isn't robot
she can't turn off her feeling with a button
even fleshly wounds need time to recover
how much more is the unseen wounds

sometimes she only need a shoulder to cry on
a tight hug to make her feel secure
so that she know that she wasn't alone