the storm after the calm

not sure is it appropriate for me to talk about this right now
well...
our big days is around the corner and we had a fight today...

we were having good times all this while
perhaps a little too good because we can joke and laugh almost every time we met
despite of having the busiest period for the semester
somehow we both managed to met up regularly to a meal together
and we are not showing any of the negative emotion whenever we met
he didn't show me his poker because of stress or tired
me too didn't spread my problems over him
(that's what i think, maybe he will remember something else i missed in another way)

however,good days don't last long
and i supposed that is common
as there is a saying of after every calm there will be a storm
not sure whether is this a idiom or something said by great people
if not then let me be the first one to quote this

what happen today wasn't the first time
i used to apologize in the past
but i don't know what's wrong with me today that i get so mad of it

the thing begins when i didn't reply him on line
i was updating that apps at that moment
and i didn't know that i have message to be received
at the same time,
i was replying his friend's comment on Facebook
so,he thought that i don't want to reply him on purpose
i rather reply his friend
ok
he gets angry or maybe a mixture of jealously

when i received his message was like 45 minutes after his first message
the first thought comes to my mind is i gonna die for that,he won't believe me
in fact it turns out exactly like what i expected
and then my blood pressure and body temperature rises
anger is boiling within me
i kind of scolded him for not finding me via alternative platform
i don't understand why can't he think of there is surely something wrong somewhere when i don't reply
especially when there is something urgent
why not try to get me through other ways?
instead of holding on that particular way only
and blame me for the wrongs
he said that he didn't know i can't receive his message and get disappointed because of what he saw on Facebook
so,i shall to be blame for not informing him that i was updating the apps

in the end i still apologize
not because i think i did wrong
but to make good
i strongly believe that this is not our fault, non of us
it just a technical problem which we can' do anything about it
i didn't know i can't receive message as i update that apps
and he didn't know about that too
so who to blame?
i think it is definitely not fair to put the fault on me alone
as though as i do that on purpose and wanted to hurt his feeling
why would i want to do that?
trying to bring suffer to myself and get upset?

a similar case happened before in the past
as what i can remembered it was not very long time ago
he is waiting me downstairs and i didn't know he reached already
he informed me through sms when he reached
however, somehow i didn't receive that and keep on waiting in my room
in the end he called i guess
that's how i found out he reached already
then i quickly went out and rushed to him showing him that i didn't receive anything
who knows when i opened that inbox, his message was there
holy shit!
i was very shocked
i didn't receive any notification for that at all
some more that inbox needs password to assess
meaning say that if i didn't put in the password
by right the notification will remain on the screen
alright...hard to proof myself so i apologize
but i felt really angry that time
i am angry about why this shit happened on me and why i can't i proof myself
i think i curse Digi so badly that time because i believed it was their network problem
it has always be

i hope that there will be no more of these coming to me after this
i really can't take it
it hurts both of us
and i hate it when i have to be responsible for the wrong i have not done
worst is when the person i love most don't trust me for that

for this time i get mad
and for the next time i don't know how will i react
maybe throw away my stupid phone