turn off your humanity

this phrase strike me after watching The Vampire Diaries Season 4 (Episode 15)

basically, that particular episode is mainly about Elena (one of the main character) end up turning into a monster where she did whatever she want despite how wrong it would be
that includes killing innocents

it begins with Elena breaks down when her brother died
everyone she loved...is leaving her one by one
and she is now left alone
seeing her losing her mind and at the same time experiencing such grief
Damon (her boyfriend at that moment) compels her to turn off her humanity so that she does not have to feel
he means good initially but no one would expect Elena will falls for that
since then, Elena begins to do things which she was against it once
she just simply doesn't care anymore
she feeds on people
she kills
Damon says it bitchie

well, see it another way
at least Elena is happy
i wish i can do the same thing in real life
of course that doesn't includes all those bad things she have done

if and only i do not have to feel
i won't be so angry when come to deal with my family matters
i won't be disappointed,frustrated and experiencing all the negative emotions
it is tiring to feel those...

i have tried hard to face those 'problematic' people in my house
i have tried not to get angry for their acts
i have tried not to get affected by their words
however...i might looks good from the outside
but from the deep inside me
i don't deny that i was badly hurt
i really had a hard time enduring them
i know it is bad to say so
but i hate to be at home sometimes

therefore, i always wanted to turn off my humanity in front of them
don't know when i will be able achieve that
when the day comes
i will only be stranger with responsibility for them