being human

human is seen as gifted
because we have a heart to feel
however
i doubt it

with a flesh heart
i once feel like dying
i can't bear the pain,the hurt,the betrayal
i find life become so miserable just because i can feel

as time passed
all the negative feeling turn out to be the scar that indicates my growth
it might be a strength to move on for some people
but to me
its pulling me back
i am so afraid that i might face the same unpleasant experience again
i am so afraid.......

i have tried all kind of ways to make myself feel better
and i thought i did recovered
but when the wound bleed
all the feelings will consume me again

there are at least 2 years since that incident
and i still feeling the side effect
who can understand how big is the impact on me?
who will know how much effort i have put in to reach today
i guess....i can hardly find one
and that's the reason i have put on a mask of i am fine

i think i am doing good at pretending that everybody believe
and that makes people around me happy
i think that is good enough
no point of dragging the world with me because of my unfortunate

however
i wish someone can see through the sadness behind my smile sometime
no words are needed
just a hug
just give me a tight,warm hug
and that would be more than enough

life isn't that hard after all
it is bad only when it breaks my heart

stay positive and try my best to move on